An Early Quarter-Life Crisis

Wednesday, 21 February 2018

I'm sure everyone who is in their late teens is to some extent feeling exactly as I am right now, in the sense of wanting to achieve but lacking the motivation to put in the needed time. The desire to work hard in the permanent battle with the desire to let go and have fun.
I've been thinking rather hard recently, as a result of this internal battle, about why I am feeling this way. Perhaps, it is simply my brain's way of telling me that I've outgrown the life that I am currently living. To some extent, I can identify with this. I'm growing tired of feeling so isolated (I live in a rural area, the nearest mid-sized towns are at least twenty-five minutes away on a bus that only comes once an hour, and I can't afford to drive).
I've always been such a city person, I love the vast amounts of people, the noise, the bustling streets and the ambition. There is something about being in that environment that really motivates and inspires me, whereas living somewhere so secluded simply drains me. Equally, if I'm having a down morning or if I am feeling really de-motivated, there isn't anywhere to go. I can't just walk to a coffee shop, a busy street, or even shops. Therefore, isolation is definitely one of the biggest issues that I'm struggling with at the moment.
Similarly, my routine is boring me. I am really fortunate, and I know that my lifestyle is great, but it has been the same for too long, and my current position as the child in a house with my parents really don't lend towards breaking the boundaries of routine. Therefore, my life at the moment consists of living vicariously through TV shows like Gossip Girl and YouTubers, which isn't healthy and simply leaves me feeling more alone.
I feel like the older generations really don't understand these concepts as society was so different. Even my parents can't understand my innate desire for more, they are completely satisfied with their lifestyle in the suburbs and a yearly holiday to Europe. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, I am extremely blessed and I know this, and if you feel content with that lifestyle then I really feel happy for you.
I am simply trying to explain that it's okay to feel like you haven't got it figured out, it's okay to feel conflicted, isolated and confused. We're all doing our best, and I guess the only change that we can make right now is to keep on working and slowly moving along towards our destinies, which will one day soon arrive.
You can do it.

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