22 February 2018

Confessions of a Girl with Social Anxiety

One of the biggest stresses in my daily life is trying to please everyone around me, even at the cost of my own happiness.
I respond perculiary to social situations, I suffer with social anxiety, but I have always made an effort to go out and see people despite the fact that I'd much rather stay home, alone. However, sometimes I'm too busy, need some alone time or I just don't want to go. It doesn't mean that I don't like you, or don't care, but it stems from the fact that I seem to subconsciously keep an emotional distance from most people and that there is an unbareable amount of stress and anxiety that goes in to each social event.
However, I always feel like most people just don't get it. They can't understand why I'm so withdrawn, quiet or reserved. I think the worst part is that I really empathise with these convictions, I wish that I was naturally outspoken, but I can't pretend that I'm something that I'm not.
From some individuals or groups I have always felt an overwhelming pressure to be social and to interact with them, even to the point where I have been informed by others that they have taken offence to the fact that I have hardly seen them or I am quiet in their company. Yet, it is nothing personal, there is not dislike, laziness or boredom attached, I  simply genuinley find it really difficult to initiate conversation and I would much rather be in my own company.
If I use a reason such as 'I'm ill' or 'I have too much work' then they simply think that I don't want to see them or that I'm using poor excuses, even if these are genuinley the cases (which they quite often are). Yet, if I agree to a social event, even if its a few months away, I guarantee that it will be constantly on my mind and cause me an unbareable amount of anxiety until its over.
I'm sure a lot of you feel the same, and so many people suffer with different forms of anxiety, yet why do people find it so difficult to understand? We're all too obsessed with what is normal and what isn't. So what if I'd rather be in my own company, does it detrimentaly affect anyone else other than myself? I'm not condoning friendships or relationships, but you can care about people and support them without feeling immense pressure to constantly be available.
At the end of the day, the only person's happiness that you can fully control is your own. If other people don't get it then they can't have your best interests at heart, learn to be selfish sometimes and that it's okay to say no.

If anyone here suffers with anxiety, or feels the same as is described above, please feel free to message me to talk about it or leave a comment below and we can all support each other.

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