26 May 2018

Closing this Chapter

It's one of the most contradictory emotions when you find yourself held between two chapters of your life. You're on the last few pages of your current chapter, yet you still have to wait before the next chapter begins, so you are held in some sort of momentary suspension until your life decides that it is continuing.

That is exactly the position that I am in at the moment, as yesterday I left college. For those of you who aren't from the UK, this is the end of compulsory education at eighteen, and afterwards, you progress into the big, scary world of adulthood in the form of university, an apprenticeship or a job. This is the point in life where you really have to figure out what you want out of your life, and most importantly how you are going to get it. I'd be lying if I said that it wasn't a lot of pressure. I have one week of study leave, two weeks of exams and then I am completely finished. How strange.

Perhaps the strangest feeling of all is that it is two years since I left high school. On the one hand, I feel like a completely different person, yet I still feel as vulnerable as I did when I was sixteen. This has me wondering whether you ever get to the point where you feel completely secure in yourself, or whether you are always going to feel slightly insecure and in need of your parents.

The irony is that by the time that I leave university in three years, at the age of twenty-one, I'll probably again feel completely different to how I do now. This is even scarier to think of as I can't fathom in my innocent, little brain how I could possibly have much more growing to do, but I do, we all do. I guess growing is consistently continuous until we reach the end of our lives and we suddenly don't grow anymore.

It's going to be a long summer, trying to figure out what I want to do with my life whilst soaking up the last few months of living at home full-time. I'd be lying if I said that the future didn't terrify me, but embracing the fear feels like a necessary evil to progress to the type of person that I want to be. Essentially, I know that if I don't leave home now then I never will.

However, I'm very excited to resurrect this blog over the summer. I have so much built up creative energy that essay writing simply can't unleash, thus it is extremely cathartic for me to be able to express my emotions in the form of a blog post. I'm also hoping to explore some different interests of mine within this blog, as I am fully aware that as of now it is simply a relaying of my random thoughts with a few random photographs. I am determined to build this platform into something helpful for all of you.

Let's see where this crazy journey of life takes us.
Amelia Hope © . Design by FCD.