10/01/2019

Another New Year

I have to admit, I've been intending on writing this post for the last two weeks, but a general lack of motivation and inspiration has plagued me for some time. I absolutely adore this blog, I find writing extremely cathartic. However, I am at a point in my life where I am struggling with creativity. I don't live in London or Paris, I don't have a fancy camera or even the opportunity for beautiful photographs, and despite the fact that I have plenty of ideas, I don't have the ability or knowledge to execute them in the way that I want.

I have felt as though I am in a nonchalant phase of life, and I've been this way for some time, where I am quite simply floating. My day to day life lacks excitement, I'm in the process of learning to drive, which is frustrating in itself as I crave the independence of being able to easily get places without having to plan hours in advance to use the dire public transport of my area. All of my friends and my boyfriend now live away at University, and despite the fact that I seem them during holiday time, during term time I feel myself drowning in melancholic loneliness that I don't seem able to pull myself out of.

Put plainly, I'm stuck in a rut.

It feels frustrating as I'm young, I should be in the prime of my life, having fun and making memories, whereas in reality I spend most days, sat at home on my own, trying to revise A-Level content that I am frankly done with.
Having to resit the year seemed like quite a fun proposition back in September, when I had months to do other things, but now that January has come around and I have to get back to reality it is incredibly difficult and heartwrenching to face.

I wish that I was able to come to you with some incredibly motivating post about the new year, my goals, a fresh start, but the reality is that my life has stalled, and as of yet I haven't learnt how to get the engine back running again.

If any of you are feeling this way too, then please know that you're not alone. Social media can be incredible and inspiring, but it can also be toxic and draining when your life doesn't resemble that that society makes you feel as though it should.

The truth is that we're all on our own journeys, and we need to learn to embrace that rather than take any slowing as a fault or failure on our part.

I hope that all of you make 2019 your year, but if it ends up not being as you expected, I also hope that you don't feel guilty, life isn't perfectly mapped out, it is a rollercoaster of experience and emotion, and all that any of us can do is try.

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